Its 10.30pm at night and it’s been a tough day at the office. Sunday night in small town New Zealand and the rain hammers down (again) and I have just finished an after dinner talk. Occasionally it is hard being motivated to be a motivational speaker! I did not realise I was the surprise guest so had dinner in my room and waited for the 8pm call as I was in between dinner and dessert. being the “surprise” speaker I hadnt checked out the functon room and equipment early enough. 8pm came and went and then got a text to say the mains hadn’t arrived.

Over an hour late after 9pm Im on. Its hard after sitting in my room then walking cold into a well lubricated audience to talk about a serious issue that one is passionate about. To make it harder the sound from my presentation was not working and the laptop was so low I could not access it without putting it on a chair.

Sure enough one punter nice enough but disinhibited with a few wines tries to join in. The first few salvos learnt in my time as a stand up comedian dont quiet him down and he thinks its a conversation. The audience doesnt laugh where they are supposed to and are not quiet when they are supposed to.

This is not the environment to be trying out a new format. They are appreciative and polite, my new best friend answers his cellphone and walks out of the room. The friendly banter does not seem so friendly and the room seems smaller and the time goes longer. The words dont come out right and I feel defeated. I am talking about the Doom Merchant and The Extremist and it feels like I am talking to myself.

At last it ends, I am put out of my misery, I am given a gift and make a hasty retreat to my room while they tuck into their dessert. There is a message on my phone to call home and its well after 10pm. My kids are sick and I try to play long distance doctor. I complain to my wife and swear I wont do any late night talks again when the audience has been drinking for several hours.

I climb into bed feeling sorry for myself and wondering why I do it. The noisy guy, the woman sighing and looking bored loop through my conciousness. While I am on the phone to one of my sick kids a call from the organiser comes through. I ignore it as I am talking to a sick kid. Maybe they want their money back I think? It took a day to drive here and will take a day to drive home in this weather. I have another talk at 3pm tomorrow 4 hours drive away.

I check my voicemail. As I left they invited me to the bar “later”. The voicemail tells me that I left my gift there so will have to come back to pick it up. Like a petulant school boy I think I will get it in the morning or just not pick it up.

I remember my line, “It’s not what happens to you but how you deal with it that counts”. I get out of bed and put my suit back on, put on a brave face and walk out the door. I really just want to crawl in a hole. I tell myself I am a professional and have to go and front up, despite how I think or feel.

As I walk down the hallway someone comes out of another room.

He turns and says, “Thanks for that talk, I really got alot out of it”

“I have had some problems recently and been struggling and that really helped”

“I was wondering if you do some workshops and if I could possibly attend?”

I walk into the function room to pick up my bottle of wine gift I almost left. The universe had provided me with the exact reason I do what I do. I had focused on the noisy and the disinterested and forgot my mantra.

“If one person listens and gets something out of it, then it has been worth it!”

Instead of the few that maybe were a bit noisy, I focus on those that enjoyed it. It is easy to be distracted and easy to quit.

I know I will be back tomorrow night and the next, spreading the most powerful message I have learnt in my life. The ability to change how you feel by simply changing what you think.

Sometimes I just forget to take my own medicine.